Hello blog friends. I’ve recently been thinking about things that I’m not very good at.. well, the things I can feasibly work on improving. I recently started a 6 week course of CBT for low self-esteem, and while I’ve only had one session so far, I’m keen to work on my mental health.
So without further ado…
5 Things I’m Not Very Good At
1. Sticking to a Schedule
I am incredibly forgetful. I’m the kind of person who buys vitamins, then forgets to take them daily. The same goes with exercise, skincare routines, blogging… basically any kind of schedule. I have a planner, a calendar, notepads, a deskpad… none of them seem to help.
2. Avoiding Procrastination
I am the Empress of procrastination. I don’t mean watching endless Netflix series instead of doing my assignments, I mean by persuading myself that other things are more important. These ‘super important tasks’ typically include: grocery shopping, cleaning, washing my hair, making sure the people I care about are alright, and planning essays that are due in a few months, in order to avoid the one that is due next week. If anything, it’s even worse now I’m doing a masters’ degree, because I know that my thesis isn’t due until next September. I blog a lot when I don’t want to study, and I study a lot when I don’t want to blog. IT’S AN ENDLESS CYCLE OF DOOM.
3. Relaxing / having a day without achieving anything
This is definitely my biggest issue at the moment. I really struggle to turn off my “I should be doing something worthwhile” thoughts, but it gets to the point where I can’t sleep if I haven’t achieved anything in a day. That could be academic, learning something, practising my Greek, making art, playing the guitar, or even just cleaning or sorting out something. It’s definitely something I need to work on, I get very uncomfortable when I try to relax.
4. Staying Focused.
This is not the same as procrastinating for me. Even when I’m actually sitting down and doing the work I’ve put off for hours (or days, or weeks), my mind wanders. Pretty much the only thing that ever got me in trouble at school was daydreaming. Especially during maths. Sometimes I’d even sneak in a book to the school gym, strategically placing it on the treadmill, so I could lose myself in a world of fiction instead of letting my anxious mind wander. I get bored quickly, so I’m usually attempting to multi-task, juggling multiple projects at once, and wondering why I don’t have any time…
5. Being Alone
The funny thing about blogging, and the internet in general, is that everyone seems to love ‘alone time’. I’m the complete opposite. If I could be surrounded by my favourite people all the time, that’d be perfection. Maybe that’s why I like parties so much. The therapist I saw told me that was my brain trying to give myself CBT: I know that I overthink and get anxious when I’m alone, so instead of shutting myself away, I strive to make plans with friends all the time. On the other hand, I do need to learn how to be okay by myself too.
Please make me feel better about myself and let me know if you also struggle with any of these! Hopefully I can come back to this in a few months and notice any improvements, even if only in one of these issues.
until next time…